(One of) The One(s) that Got Away: The last days

March 2009

It was there, Webb, clear as day, for me to see. It was only posted a few hours ago before I logged in on Facebook.

Emmanuel Webber Tan Gozon is in a relationship with Ramona Cecile F. Limtanco.

I knew you could do it to me, but I didn’t realize how much of an ass you’d have to be to do it to me this way.

I didn’t know that this was how you would break my heart.

April 2009

It was my graduation. I was leaving college, and leaving you and our spoiled whatever. You never texted me again after that confirmation on Facebook; never checked up on me. I wanted to tell you how things worked out, how Ces and I got an uno for our thesis and how it hurt to not include you in the acknowledgment page in our thesis because Ces said you don’t deserve it. I wanted to tell you how I got a job offer and how I am so stoked to start to be a part of the working class. I wanted to tell you so many things, Webb, so many things that we used to share to each other, but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t because you were gone.

I couldn’t because you have a Cecile now.

Your sister, Lori, kept on asking what happened to us, because apparently you were bringing Cecile to your apartment. She wasn’t used to seeing any other girl around you aside from me.

Kala ko nga kayo na eh.

I smiled bitterly. I don’t know if your sister told you this, but my reply to her was: Kala ko rin eh.

As the old Filipino saying goes, Maraming namamatay sa akala. 

May 2009

I have a job, Webb, and it pays well, and the first thing I spend it on was on a David Cook vs. David Archuleta concert offering here in Manila. I bought the Gold seats, the ones that cost over P6,000, because I love David Cook so much. It’s the first thing I ever bought with my first paycheck.

Remember, Webb, when you promised that if David Cook goes here, we’ll watch his concert together?

April 2010

Webb, what happened?

And I am not asking this in a very bitter, damn-you-broke-my-heart-and-yet-you-act-like-nothing-happened kind of way. I am asking this out of sheer curiosity.

WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID SHE HAPPEN? WHY DIDN’T WE HAPPEN?

I tried to dissect the anatomy of our non-relationship-slash-friendship. There were so many questions in my head as to what have gone wrong and what went right, but I could never confirm them to you anymore. There were days when I felt bitter towards it, but they are overpowered by the greater and sweeter memories you’ve left behind for me.

May 2010

My first year on the job. Aside from our pseudo-relationship, this is the longest one I’ve ever had, and I am so elated. But it didn’t mean that I was going through an easy road—I was depressed, because I was so wrung out from work and I didn’t have any outlet because there wasn’t any you to rant to.

But you felt me, didn’t you? I wasn’t sure if you had this psychic thing going on for you, but you just felt me.

Hey Liz. Just checking up on u. Hope all is well.

It was your first message to me in a YEAR, Webb, and it sure has one helluva timing.

All isn’t well, but I hope on your end they are. Take care, Webb.

We’re too civil, too stiff. We weren’t this before. Did I do this or did you?

What’s wrong?

Work. Stress. Those kinds of things.

I went vague on you because I didn’t want to need you anymore, Webb. I was pretty sure you’d disappear again, like you always do.

Liz, u r 1 of d best people I know. Tough & strong. Ul pull through.

And I did, Webb.

I did.

–

The END

–

Who knows why

Two people perfectly aligned

Should ever have to find themselves apart

I’ll never understand my heart

-Even if I Don’t, Rachael Yamagata