Solace Minisode #1

Nyah: It is Joshua’s third year in college, and he was rocketing off to a good start for this UAAP season.

This year also marks our fourth year together—even counting the time when we entered that cool off phase. He had insisted on counting from the day we saw each other first, because according to my very cheesy and romantic Joshua, he had loved me the first time he saw me.

Solace: Extra 1

Nyah: It was a random thought—actually a STRAY thought—that occurred to me while I was replying to a client email. I was actually surprised I had only thought about this now. It was teasing my brain, as if tempting me, and in a split second I tried to weigh the pros and cons. The pros were more enticing: it could make Joshua stronger but it could make Lucille hate me even more.

I’d take Joshua being stronger any other day.

So I pulled up my Firefox and typed on the search engine—Yahoo! or Google, it wouldn’t matter. All I needed was to find his website—Patrick Woods’ website.

And there it was. I rummaged, scanned and squinted hard enough as my eyes would allow it to find the “Contact Me” link, or at least any link that would allow me to send Patrick Woods a message. I was hoping, as I was typing the email that you will see below, that Patrick Woods himself reads “fan mail” as his website termed them. If not, well, screw it. At least I made a valiant—but nonetheless fruitless if he’s not the one reading it—effort to contact my boyfriend’s estranged father.

Below is my email to Mr. Woods:

Solace Ep. 111: The FINALE

Justin: Nyah’s mighty plan involved an international band and a concert to be attended by 50,000 people.

Don’t ask me how she knew the organizers or even the band, but she just made a couple of phone calls after she and I got out of the pool that night. It was a triple plus that the pop rock band, Syndicated, is one of Alexi’s all-time favorites.

The band, composed of five members, four guys fronted by a female vocalist, flew in Thursday for their Saturday show, and Nyah took me to meet them on Friday. I met Kathy, their lead vocalist, Yuan, the lead guitarist, Zeus, the other guitarist, Jam, the bassist, and Tani, the drummer, and that was when I discovered how Nyah knew them—Nyah had watched their concert a bunch of times while they were on tour in the U.S., and she somehow caught Yuan’s eye. She told me that she told Yuan straight up that she’s not looking to be in a relationship, and even though Yuan was saddened by that, he and Nyah remained friends and kept in contact. In fact, Yuan told me that Nyah had helped him pen one of their songs for their next album.

And thus, her free tickets, backstage passes and personal meet-ups with the band.

And that made it easy for her to convince them to insert my wedding proposal somewhere in their set list.

“Sure,” Kathy said brightly. “Leave the segue part to me.”

And here we are.

Solace Ep. 110

Nyah: A couple of dribbles, the squeaks of rubber shoes, and the swish of the net through the hoop—those were the only sounds I could here when I arrived at the gym of Joshua’s university. He is now taking Management, and from what I heard from Nick (who is taking up Interdisciplinary Studies), Joshua’s trying to do his best in balancing his studies and playing ball, especially now that the UAAP season is about to start.

Nick had advised that Joshua’s the only one left at the gym, for he was doing his routine of making a hundred freethrows, fifty three-pointers, and fifty mid-range jumpshots before heading out.

I saw him square up for another freethrow, the ball swishing in the net easily, and I think that was when he heard my footsteps. He turned and he dropped the ball in surprise upon seeing me. “Nyah,” he breathed, and I winked at him. “Hello baller. How’s my franchise player?” I asked, and he met with me halfway. He stopped when we were in front of each other at center court. He stared at me, his eyes travelling from my head to my feet clad in Chuck Taylors, and he sighed almost contentedly.

“Long time no see,” he said, and I nodded. “When did you get back?” Joshua asked.

“Two weeks ago,” I said. “I only showed myself to you just now because I had a lot of people to visit. Tita Faye’s five months on the way, and Thaddeus is enjoying law school. Desiree and the other girls at the office are asking me to come back to my job. Dad welcomes me back with a ton of work at Ripped, and Justin’s planning something big for Alexi, which I need to go to in a bit,” I told him, and he frowned.

“And I was the last on your list of people visit,” he said, and I smiled widely. “I was saving the best for last, and I was waiting for a go signal.”

Joshua frowned deepened. “Go signal from whom?”

I took his hand, and he gripped mine with the same warmth and tightness as before. “During our tumultuous first two months, an idea came to me. I only got to pursue this idea when I was in the States for an extended period.”

“What’s this idea?” he asked.

I breathed deeply. “Talking to your father?”

Joshua’s jaw dropped. “What?”

I nodded. “I got into contact with your father—Patrick Woods. I met him already,” I said, and he shook his head. “And why in the world would you do this?” he asked me, pulling away from me and walking back to the freethrow line.

“It’s one of the options that I chose from in helping you fix your life. The other option was talking to your mother on my own, which is—and I know you know this—is futile.”

“And talking to my father is not?”

His eyes and tone are already accusing, and I just ignored this. “It’s not. Actually I was more productive this way,” I said, and I cleared my throat before letting out a whistle. That sent my cue to the two people I had with me: Lucille and Patrick.

“Mom?” Joshua said, and Lucille looked at Patrick before they both stepped forward. I pulled Joshua towards them.

“You,” was all Joshua could say to greet his biological father. I figured he didn’t know what to call him—after all, he hasn’t met him and seen him ever since he was an innocent little baby, and he has been calling him Patrick Woods just like everybody else does. Patrick nodded as I took a step backwards. “I guess ‘Dad’ can fill in that pronoun, but I have yet to fulfill that role for you,” Patrick said, and Joshua took three steps back, a disbelieving look on his face.

“You can’t leave me and Mom and come back just like this,” Joshua said angrily. “That was what, eighteen years of my life without you!” he shouted. “And now you’re here.”

Joshua turned to me. “And how in the world do you expect this to fix everything? That meeting my father who left me and my mother when I was little will make me feel okay? That meeting my father who was the source of every verbal abuse I got from my mother will repair whatever strained relationship I have with my mom?” he spat, and all I could do was shake my head.

Solace Ep. 109

Nyah: JULY.

“Ah. The prodigal daughter is here.”

I twirled and saw Justin standing at the edge of the pool. I swam over, and he knelt, giving me a kiss on my forehead. He was still in his long-sleeved polo and slacks, but his tie was loosened around his neck and he has traded his black shoes for his slippers. I knew he has been in the house since six in the evening when I arrived from my flight, but he was holed up in his room, probably hobbling over the latest software one of his clients want him to develop so I didn’t disturb him.

“Join me?” I said, and he shrugged. He started to shred off his clothes until he was in his boxers, and then he jumped into the pool. I watched him as he did a couple of laps before he got to me, and I pulled him into a hug. He exhaled loudly.

“I missed you, you know?” he whispered. “I missed you too, brother. You and your wicked ways,” I returned and he laughed. “That’s what I’m talking about,” he replied, and I released him.

“By the way, I got rid of your pesky ex earlier,” I told him, and he frowned. “Ex?” he asked, and I grinned. “Yeah, you’ve got so many pesky exes and you don’t know which one I am referring to,” I said, and he pouted. “Tanya the bitch,” I quipped. “She was here earlier, at the gate when I arrived. She was looking for you, skulking around like some crazed stalker.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Alexi told me about her, you know. Tanya paid her a visit a couple of months ago, told Alexi to stay away from you coz you’re already taken.”

That earned a louder what from Justin.

I grinned. “Hey, you know how tough Alexi is?” I said amusedly. “She told me, when Tanya attempted to bitch slap her, she went ahead and gave her that.”

“She slapped Tanya?”

I laughed. “Your surprise and amusement are getting higher with every statement I make,” I told him.

“Alexi didn’t tell me this,” Justin said incredulously.

“And do you tell her everything?” I said pointedly, and he shook his head. “But this is connected to me, Nyah. I should be getting rid of Tanya,” Justin said, and I sent him a splash of water. “Well, I guess she did you a very nice favor, because getting rid of Tanya is something you’re not good at,” I argued, and he rolled his eyes.

“And it’s something Alexi is good at? For apparently, as you said, Tanya was outside the house,” he shot back.

“Yeah, but that’s what I’m good at. I am better than Alexi at getting rid of exes. Tanya won’t be coming back,” I said smartly.

“What did you do?” he asked me, eyeing me suspiciously.

I shook my head, for I am not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing. Suffice it to say that my words are sharper and more convincing that what Alexi and Justin use, plus I didn’t use violence. She left with tears in her eyes for I made her realize she really isn’t doing much in her life that is worth being proud of, and that running after Justin is futile for he’s already found the love of her life.

He looked like he still wasn’t convinced, but I decided to switch topics. “How are you?” I asked, knowing that even though we talk over the net almost every day, personal contact is different. He smiled, but I can see the fatigue somewhere in his face. “Busy, with work, as I’ve told you before you flew back here,” he answered.

“And…?” I prompted when he didn’t say anything more.

“And Alexi’s doing okay,” he said simply.

“And…?” I pressed.

Justin gave me a look of frustration, somehow telling me that hey, I’m being pretty pushy.

“And I already bought a ring, but I just don’t know what to do and how to propose,” he concluded.

“Come on, Justin, it doesn’t take a genius to know how to propose. You make software programs from codes that give me a brain hemorrhage, so I guess you can figure out how to do that. You only have to ask her, bro,” I told him, splashing water at him. “All you have to do is say the words ‘Will you marry me’ and wait for Alexi’s answer, which I am pretty sure is yes.”

“Nyah, I told you, I want a marriage proposal that will make her happy,” Justin insisted.

“Justin,” I said, fighting the urge to yawn (finally, sleep is coming to take me away), “don’t you get it that a marriage proposal alone will make any woman happy? The grandness of the proposal is just an added value, but it’s the thought that counts.”

He circled me, thinking. “But I want her to know that I really have thought about it, and not joked about it just like the first time out.”

I considered his statement, and then a brilliant idea came to me. “I know how you’d propose.”

“How?” he said, and I told him of my plan.

Solace Ep. 108

Nyah: MAY.

I was so nervous about meeting him. I had never been this nervous in my entire life—and that is already including the time when I had that D & C procedure. It’s not just the fan in me that’s talking—it’s also the (ex) girlfriend in me.

The first time the thought of emailing Patrick Woods entered my mind was when I was in Palawan, torn because of my being pregnant. I told him about Joshua and Lucille and their relationship, along with my relationship with Joshua and why I was emailing him. I had forgotten all about him because of the drama that had transpired between me and Joshua. But he replied to me, amazingly, a few days after. We exchanged a few more emails before I told him I am in the U.S., and then he asked me if I could meet him.

I agreed, even though Joshua and I aren’t together anymore. He had sent me a courtside seat to one of his games, and I couldn’t get more excited. He’s playing with the Phoenix Suns now, and rumor has it that if and when he retires, he’d be a part of the team’s coaching staff still. After his game against the New York Knicks, he told me to meet him at the Hilton, and here I am, at the hotel lobby, clutching my purse and waiting for him.

I looked up when I heard the chattering and some squeaking of rubber shoes on the shining and newly-waxed hotel floor. Patrick Woods was the second tallest player in his team at six-foot-seven, and you could easily spot him from the group of players entering the hotel. And then our eyes met.

For a moment there I thought I was staring into Joshua’s eyes.

He bid his teammates goodbye and walked over to me, an easy smile on his face.

“I trust you are Nyah,” he said, and I was severely starstruck that I couldn’t speak or move. “I get that a lot,” Patrick Woods joked, and that woke me up. I breathed deeply and offered him a handshake. “Nyah Santillan,” I said, and he accepted my handshake. His hand was so big that it covered mine in the handshake, much like how Josh’s does.

“I’d invite you up but that would mean that Brewster will hear our entire conversation,” he said, mentioning his team’s starting power forward, “so we’d just settle for the hotel restaurant. Is that okay with you?”

I nodded. “Sure,” I replied, and we walked to the nearby restaurant, chatting animatedly about that game that they won by two points. He pulled a seat for me and waited until I was comfy, and then sat across me. The waiter came and asked us for our orders, and Patrick teased me not to be shy and just order what I want. I had their seafood platter, and Patrick ordered steak. He ordered champagne for both of us, saying it won’t hurt, and then he winked at me.

“So I take it from our emails that you haven’t talked with Joshua yet?” Patrick said when the waiter left. I shook my head. “We have talked, last January. I’m sorry I didn’t mention that anywhere in my emails.”

“I take it the conversation didn’t quite go too well,” he noted, and I smiled sadly.

“Mutual decision,” I told him. “Okay, more like I convinced him that it should be a mutual decision,” I said, and he smiled, shaking his head. “But that wasn’t the purpose of my emailing you in the first place,” I pointed out.

“You want me to meet my son,” he said plainly.

“Don’t you want to meet your own son?”

Solace Ep. 107

NYAH: FEBRUARY.

I skipped the part where I should be celebrating my birthday. I was in Canada, doing part of Mom’s book tour with her, and we spent it in a quiet dinner with Mom’s cooking. Dad flew in with Tita Faye and Uncle Gabe (them honeymooners, hmph), and they brought gifts from the Philippines—funny, Thaddeus had his sent with Dad’s, and I wonder how he did that. Joshua called and greeted me, and told me my gift is there with him, awaiting for my return.

I told my employer that I need some more time off, and they’ve finally given up on me and said that in the event that I would change my mind and would want to get my life—and my job—back. I guess that means I am officially jobless. Dad said he’d take me in—gladly—for apparently Tita Faye had resigned to focus on having and building a family with Uncle Gabe.

This was month two of not seeing and being with Joshua.

–

MARCH.

I am still in the U.S., living at Uncle Gabe’s New York City apartment. I walked the streets of New York every day, go to art museums, attend book tours and concerts, and watch Broadway musicals. Slowly, I could feel my old life creeping back in.

But I am not ready to go back there.

–

APRIL.

I work part-time as an assistant to a librarian in one of the public libraries here in New York, so that I earn some money. Mom visited me as she invited me to go home once more, but I told her I needed another month. She reminded me that there are many people in the Philippines waiting for me, and that they all love me. She told me that Uncle Gabe does not approve of the method of running away that he did a long time ago, and that he needs me to be there with him as he is dealing with a fairly grumpy two-months-on-the-way Tita Faye. She also said Justin is looking for me to ask for help in planning a grand wedding proposal for his lady love Alexi, and that the sooner I go home will be better for him because he misses having his “internal barometer” around.

I can feel the bitterness and pain slipping away.

Just a couple more days.

Solace Ep. 106

Nyah: Joshua breathed deeply and I looked at him.

“You look beautiful,” he said, and thanked him quietly. We lapsed into a spell of silence, as I waited for what he had to say. When he asked me if we could talk after I had made my speech—and song number—I quickly agreed. We found ourselves at the veranda overlooking the beautiful Taal Volcano. What added to its beauty was the fact that the sun was setting behind it, making the view as breathtaking as possibly can.

“We have other things to talk about aside from beauty,” I said, and he smiled faintly.

“Right,” he agreed. “I miss you, Ny,” he said, his hand sliding to reach for mine. Our intertwined fingers hung at the space between us. “How’s training?” I asked to fill in the silence, and he shrugged. “Doing real okay. I’m adjusting to my new team, but I’ve got my groove back, as you know very well,” he answered, and I nodded.

“How’s Nick?” I asked, and Joshua turned to me. “He was your source back then, huh?” he realized, and I nodded. “He’s a very good friend to you, Joshua,” I told him, and he nodded slowly. “I know that.”

SILENCE.

“Ny,” Joshua said again, breaking the silence, tugging lightly at my hand to get my attention, “can we still be together?”

Solace Ep. 105

Justin: I laughed as Faye—okay, Tita Faye—crumpled her face, probably wondering and thinking why in the world she had to go through this. “This” meaning this ‘ritual’ in wedding receptions where the groom finds that garter inside the bride’s gown. Apparently whoever had placed Tita Faye’s garter had hiked it high up, and Uncle Gabe had to reach up above her thigh to find it.

Alexi hit me playfully across the chest, and I stopped, but a smile is still pasted on my face. “So am I going to go there and try my luck at catching that garter?” I asked her, and she shrugged. “As long as I’d be the one catching the bouquet, why not,” Alexi replied. Uncle Gabe stood up, stooped down to kiss Faye once more and addressed the crowd. He twirled the garter in his forefinger, and he called out to all the single men in the crowd to gather around him.

I looked around our table and I couldn’t find my sister, and I can’t even find Joshua. Something tells me that they’re skipping this part of the reception to talk. I stood up, kissed Alexi on the forehead and headed to join the small group of seven men who are (1) still single and are looking forward to move past the bachelor stage and follow Uncle Gabe’s footsteps, or (2) forced by girlfriends to go and try in high hopes that they’d get a hint that the girlfriend wants to upgrade the relationship to engagement and later on marriage.

Luckily, I fall under the first category.

Solace Ep. 104

GABE: It was Nyah’s turn to speak, for Selena was done, and my wife—that may take some getting used to, but it sounds so smooth and so right—is already on the verge of tears—happy tears from what she told me.

Nyah glanced at Joshua at her side and then breathed deeply. I saw her wink at Justin, and I knew something was going on. Justin stood up, called Derek over and they both headed to the stage.

Nyah stayed put.

“Uncle Gabe is my best friend, and—as he had promised me a couple of days ago—things won’t ever change,” Nyah began, and she smiled. “But what the hell was he thinking, promising me things like that when he had found the person that complements and not completes him, the person who isn’t his better half but the whole person who fits perfectly and whose wavelength is so much in sync with his?” I smiled, gazing at Faye, knowing Nyah was way better with words than I was and she had effectively described how I feel about my wife.

“Dad and Mom knew what Uncle Gabe went through before. All I knew before that ten years ago, my best friend left me because he said he had to fix himself and his life. At twelve, how can I understand things like that? But now I understand him and what he went through, and I am just so thankful he had woken up and figured out he needed a life. Thank you, Faye—I have to call you Tita someday, and forgive me if that one will take some getting used to—for giving him that jumpstart that he needed, for making him realize life is much better being lived and not being sailed through, for making him feel more alive again,” she said, and I nodded. I placed my arm over Faye’s shoulder and she cuddled closer to me.

“I know this may sound so My Best Friend’s Wedding to y’all,” Nyah said, and she noticed a few faces that recognized the movie she mentioned, although the younger ones gave out blank faces, “but Uncle Gabe and Faye don’t have their own song. And as per tradition, they will and they need a first dance.” She nodded to Justin and Derek, who both had acoustic guitars with them. The jazz band looked like they will just follow the cue of the Santillan brothers, for they, too, are surprised by this development.

“Come on, Unc. Time to dance your bride,” Nyah said, and I stood up, taking Faye by the hand and we walked to the center of the makeshift ballroom. I held her right hand with my left and I placed my other hand around her waist, but Faye shook her head. She placed both her hands around my neck and I took that as a cue to place both of mine around her waist.

And then Nyah’s cool voice echoed around the venue.

“You’re the sky that I fell through/ And I remember the view, whenever I’m holding you/ The sun hung from a string/ Looking down on the world as it warms over everything/ Chills run down my spine/ As our fingers entwine/ And your sighs harmonize with mine/ Unmistakably/ I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me..”

The song was echoing my feelings right now. My heart was thumping in my chest as I gaze into the eyes of the woman that I love, and she returns my gaze with her loving one. She smiled and moved one of her hands to my chest, her palm feeling my heart, and her smile widened.

“Circle me and the needle moves gracefully/ Back and forth/ If my heart was a compass you’d be north/ Risk it all coz I’ll catch you when you fall/ Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you’d be home..“

All I could was sigh contentedly.

I am home, and there is no place I’d rather be than here with Faye.

–

For my readers’ sake, the song mentioned here is Owl City’s If My Heart was a House, released in his album Ocean Eyes. To listen, click here.