Holding on to you-- the one thing that's true, the one thing that's real and not some random fantasy. Not some bullshit pseudo-relationship formed in my head, not a fling that's over in a jiffy and not some fangirl hopelessness. You are the truth-- with holding hands and fleeting kisses and sweet whispers and I love you's and walks in the park and sunrise and sunset and moon and stars and mysterious smiles and happy and sad tears and stuffed bears and bracelets and necklaces and secrets and petnames that don't mean anything to anyone but us. Slipping away-- You and not me-- a thousand times over. Excuses and reasons all blur into one mess in my head but they all screamed the same thing: you are slowly leaving each and every time, and taking a piece of me, each bigger than the last. And I would just let you until there's nothing left of me. Tired. I am tired of you leaving me over and over. Tired of waiting for you to come back and take me once again. The last time hurt way more than the others. I want you. I need you. I love you with a love that's there and a love that isn't. But I need to know if you're staying for good or if you're leaving for real. Are you staying or going? Are you leaving and never coming back? The door's shut, deadbolt locked in. I threw the keys away. Either you're in this with me or nothing at all. Because I'm tired of waiting and loving and waiting and loving, and waiting, and loving, and waiting and loving a ghost of a man who I used to believe truly loved me too.
Kessica Tanglao, 24Aug2011 Written on Memo on Blackberry