Holding on to you--
the one thing that's true,
the one thing that's real
and not some random fantasy.
Not some bullshit pseudo-relationship
formed in my head,
not a fling that's over in a jiffy
and not some fangirl hopelessness.

You are the truth--
with holding hands
and fleeting kisses
and sweet whispers
and I love you's
and walks in the park
and sunrise and sunset
and moon and stars
and mysterious smiles
and happy and sad tears
and stuffed bears and bracelets
and necklaces
and secrets
and petnames that don't mean
anything to anyone but us.

Slipping away--
You and not me--
a thousand times over.
Excuses and reasons
all blur into one mess
in my head
but they all screamed the same thing: 
you are slowly leaving
each and every time,
and taking a piece of me, 
each bigger than the last.
And I would just let you 
until there's nothing left of me. 

I am tired of you
leaving me over and over.
Tired of waiting for you 
to come back
and take me once again. 
The last time
hurt way more than 
the others.
I want you. I need you. 
I love you 
with a love that's there
and a love that isn't.
But I need to know
if you're staying for good
or if you're leaving for real.
Are you staying
or going?
Are you leaving
and never coming back?

The door's shut,
deadbolt locked in. 
I threw the keys away.
Either you're in this with me
or nothing at all.
Because I'm tired
of waiting
and loving
and waiting
and loving,
and waiting,
and loving, 
and waiting
and loving
a ghost of a man
who I used to believe
truly loved me too.
Kessica Tanglao, 24Aug2011
Written on Memo on Blackberry

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