Have you ever had that dream that you wake up in the middle of, and then you (desperately) want to go back to sleep, so you squeeze your eyes shut tightly, breathe very deeply, and try to calm your already panicked nerves because you can’t go back to sleep, and you really want to know what’s going to happen in your dream?
Yeah. That’s what happened this morning.
Luckily for me, I managed to get back to sleep after some agonizing minutes.
Anyway, the dream.
I wasn’t sure where it was, but the venue had a striking resemblance to my high school. I was invited there for an event (was it a party? I couldn’t really tell), and I came late as people were already eating when I arrived. Anyway, I was pulled in by a couple of batchmates, and we started to converse. After eating, one of the boys (his friend) called me over, saying that he was ready to talk to me already. Somehow, I figured that this was his event, and the reason why I came over was because of him.
And then he took me to this place, we started to walk. He talked about back when he and I were close, back when I thought I still liked him (okay, I was in love with him). Back when I had hoped he liked me back (but what I am saying, I was helping him win another girl). Back when.
“Point being?” I asked you, cutting through your reminiscing, because I didn’t want to hear how I had hoped, how I had wished and prayed for this. But wasn’t it a bit too late? It was, after all, a decade too late. [This dream made me realize too, how often I had been friendzone-d. DAMN.]
AND THEN I WOKE UP.
Haha, it was so bad, because he was about to tell me what his point was, and I woke up. But I managed to regain my sleep, and–
“You got me the girl, but at that time, I wasn’t sure if I still wanted her.”
So I had to look at him, right?
“I loved you back then. And I had to tell you now.”
I just nodded, shrugging as if I didn’t feel a bit disappointed, and then said, “Why? Are you dying?”
He laughed, and told me he isn’t. And that he just needed to let it all out.
And then we walked back to where our friends/batchmates were, and we were holding hands the rest of the way. It felt good (I always had these vivid dreams, the kind where when you wake up, you still feel it if someone was touching you), but I didn’t feel any regret.
When we got to our friends, he left me, and that’s when one of his exes told me that he was doing this because of some sort of program he was in (she wasn’t clear what kind of program, maybe it was that 12-step thing).
And then I woke up.
It was just great in a way that I haven’t dreamed of him for so long (he’s a quarterly subject of my dreams, and I always wonder why he’d pop up in my dreams) and that it was, in some weird way, a closure?
I don’t know. That’s how my twisted brain is looking into all of this.