Little Things #27

playlist (h - come back)

FROM: h____s___@o___.com

TO: k____t__@u_____.com

SENT: January 31, 2011 02:11

SUBJECT: Mixtape

Dear K,

I got your mixtape. And as per tradition, I’m giving one back. I don’t know where you are, so I don’t know how to send it to you. Since we’re in the digital age, the download link is emailed to you separately. I do hope you get to listen to them.

Did you go home? Part of me wishes you did, just so you can address whatever it was that you needed to deal with. Part of me hopes you didn’t—it’s a bit more comforting to know that you’re still here, in the same continent as I am. That you didn’t go back to him. And let’s face it—you’re easier to find if you’re just in the same city as I am (most of the time, at least).

I miss you, K. It’s been two weeks, and it’s hell. I told you before—you don’t need to run away. This love shouldn’t scare you, because it’s supposed to be good. I’m scared too, and now I could say that I’m hurt, because you’re not here and you left me.

Remember that night in Paris? That bridge with our lock. While I know all I wrote there was about fresh starts, it still had our names on it. You and me. H + K. That lock is our forever. Or if you’re not a believer in that—our lifetime together.

Come back.

Love, H

P.S. I got your David Levithan quotes too. Returning the favor.

lover, n.

…I have never wanted a lover. In order to have a lover, I must go back to the root of the word. For I have never wanted a lover, but I have always wanted to love, and to be loved.

There is no word for the recipient of love. There is only a word for the giver. There is an assumption that lovers come in pairs.

When I say, BE MY LOVER, I don’t mean, Let’s have an affair.

I don’t mean, Sleep with me. I don’t mean, Be my secret.

I want us to go back down to that root.

I want you to be the one who loves me.

I want to be the one who loves you.

Lover’s Dictionary, David Levithan

FROM: h____s___@o___.com

TO: k____t__@u_____.com

SENT: February 1, 2011 07:15

SUBJECT: (null)

You promised me the best birthday ever. Or did you forget?

Just like you forgot when you promised me that you will never leave. That if you feel that urge again to run away, you will tell me and we will do something about it. Because I think I deserve that much, K. A proper goodbye or a send-off at best. Not just a mixtape and some quotes from a Twitter account.

You’re not here, K. And it kills.

FROM: h____s___@o___.com

TO: k____t__@u_____.com

SENT: February 1, 2011 07:18

SUBJECT: Re: (null)

I just want you back. I love you.

FROM: h____s___@o___.com

TO: k____t__@u_____.com

SENT: February 1, 2011 07:20

SUBJECT: Re: (null)

I just realized how pathetic my emails are sounding already. You know this is not me. What are you doing to me, K?

Come home.

FROM: k____t__@u_____.com

TO: h____s___@o___.com

SENT: February 1, 2011 11:58

SUBJECT: Re: (null)

I lost my keys. If you’re still up, I’m at the porch.

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