Word of the Year: FINIFUGAL – 2014 Year Ender :)

Another year done! I was looking for one word that would summarize 2014 for me. I dabbled with ‘fear,’ ‘indecision,’ ‘bad luck,’ etcetera, etcetera, but nothing clicked right. Until I saw this word: FINIFUGAL (thank you, other-wordly.tumblr.com.).

 

That was the best definition of this year. I think being finifugal relates to being scared of starting over, of new things, of changes (drastic ones, to be exact). A quick check of my year-ender the past years led me to one conclusion: I was, kind of, reliving my 2012 all over again, because the same quotes that I quoted still applied, the same complaints, the same worries, and a heartbreak (thankfully, a different guy this time, but jeeeez I never learn, do I?).

I would quote the same John Green quote in 2012:

“You spend your whole life stuck in a labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” 

–John Green, Looking for Alaska

*sigh*

Let’s kick off this 2014 recap, shall we?

Loopdeloop in 2013: Playlist fun

2013 was a crazy year for music: the confirmation of the relationship and then breakup of two of the biggest popstars (looking at you Haylor), a new Justin Timberlake album, a too-short NSYNC reunion on MTV Video Music Awards, the debate on whether Katy Perry’s Roar ripped off Sara Bareilles’ Brave, Miley Cyrus sticking her tongue out and twerking against Robin Thicke (an image that burned in minds and want to forget forever), a Beyoncé album dropping out of the blue, etcetera. (Those were the only ones I could recall top-of-mind, so…)

Last year, I did a run-down of my favorite albums, books, and movies, but this year I’m doing something different: a year-ender playlist of some sort. Check out the songs that I looped far more than my iTunes would’ve hoped for.

Little Me by Little Mix

Little Mix is the first group ever to win the X-Factor UK. They’re awesome performers and they write their own songs too! Their Salute album gave me the Destiny’s Child of the 90s feeling. This is one of the songs they penned. Favorite lines:

Wish I knew back then what I know now
Wish I could somehow go back in time
and maybe listen to my own advice

I’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder
Tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful
Everything she doesn’t see

You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out
And know that right here, right now
You can be beautiful, wonderful,
Anything you wanna be, oh, little me

Do check out their other songs that I absolutely adore too: Towers, Good Enough, Salute, and These Four Walls. 

Last Hope by Paramore

First time I heard this song, I actually cried. There is something about the song’s bridge that kills.

And the salt in my wounds isn’t burning anymore than it used to
It’s not that I don’t feel the pain
It’s just I’m not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn’t pumping any less than it ever has
And that’s the hope I have, the only thing I know that’s keeping me alive

Other looped songs from Paramore’s Paramore: Proof, Hate to See Your Heart Break, and Interlude: Holiday. 

Eavesdrop by The Civil Wars

Still sad about what went on with this band because they make so much good music. Eavesdrop is one of the many songs I loved off their self-titled (and probably last) album.

Let’s let the stars watch, let them stare
Let the wind eavesdrop, I don’t care
For all that we’ve got, don’t let go
Just hold me

This song makes it way too in the playlist of Gezellig 2 :)

Looped songs off The Civil Wars: The One That Got Away (THIS KILLS, LISTEN TO IT), Same Old Same Old, and D’arline. 

Pretty Hurts by Beyonce

Couldn’t find a link to the video of the song or to the song for that matter, so found a pretty rad cover of it.

What wasn’t covered in the version above is the question posed to Beyonce at the start of the song: What is your aspiration in life? And Beyonce’s reply: To be happy. 

Spot on.

Shot at the Night by The Killers

Learned this song through a colleague. Loved it, and loved the video even more. We all yearn for that escape, right? :)

Say Something by A Great Big World

Ever felt haunted by a song? This one plays wherever I go and on shows that I watch!

Bubble Wrap by McFly

Discovered this band by association to another band I was listening to. They wrote songs for that other band, so I thought of listening to them. Never regretted it. :) Their lead singer is the one behind the fancy wedding speech!

I wish I could bubble wrap my heart… in case I fall and break apart. It’s bubble wrap!

This is the last time,
I give up this heart of mine,
I’m telling you that I’m
A broken man who’s finally realized.
You’re standing in moonlight,
But you’re black on the inside,
Who do you think you are to cry?
This is goodbye.

Other hits I loved from them: Love is on the Radio (they have several versions of this, but do check out the Mr. and Mrs. F version), POV, Star Girl, and Lies (this one has a mean bass line).

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

Would it be weird if I say I discovered this band because their song was used in a movie soundtrack? No? Okay, I’m safe (but, but…the movie was The Host. I know. BUT MAX IRONS.)

Also looped their: It’s Time, Amsterdam, and Demons!

Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy feat. Elton John

You are what you love, not who loves you. In the world full of the word ‘yes,’ I’m here to scream NO. 

Other lovable tunes from their Save Rock and Roll album: The Phoenix, Just One Yesterday, and Miss Missing You.

We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus

I had to. Whether we’d like to admit or not, this song was stuck in our heads at one point or another. I do adore the version with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots.

—

I have space for only ten songs (and I did try to embed the vids, but YouTube keeps on effing up), but I’ve looped a whole lot of albums and songs this year. (Okay, okay, Midnight Memories is still looping on my iTunes. Their new sound is rad. And check out Sara Bareilles’ The Blessed Unrest and Olly Murs’ Right Place Right Time).

How about you? What are the songs that had the highest play counts in your media player / iTunes? :)

xx., Kesh

Everything, all at once.

It takes a holiday to take some time off to write. Honestly, this blog’s a bit… sad now that I’m not posting stories here anymore, but I do like the freedom that WordPress gives me in terms of formatting my stories. :(

Anyway, let’s kick this off, shall we?

Ripped Off. Those who have read my stories from the start, particularly Solace, will be familiar with this one. I have mentioned it a bunch of times there, referencing it as one of JJ’s best-selling novels. But Ripped Off is a real novel, something that I’ve got sitting in my laptop for a long time (like since 2011 long), written close to 70 pages of it, and parked it because I got stuck with the plot. Now I’m trying to revive it, as part of the writing goals that I told Ms. Mina. :) I’m revisiting the chapters I’ve written, smoothing out details, and posting them slowly. Please don’t forget to check out my Figment and Wattpad pages for it :)

—

Anti-bullying. If I had so much money, one of the movements that I will support will be this one. I don’t know if people realize how much being bullied changes people’s lives. To quote Jay Asher’s Thirteen Reasons Why:

You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything… affects everything.

Recently, 1D came out with a PSA, urging everyone to Live kind, love everyone, and move together against bullying. To be true, celebrate being original, courageous and unique, confident and successful. CHOOSE TO LIVE NICE. PSA below:

There is one comment that struck me though: the one by Bellasmee97: “Me: *buys 1D against bullying notebook* Me:*gets bullied for having a 1D notebook against bullying*”

Sadly, likely to happen :(

—

Music! I am late to the party with Imagine Dragons, but I’m enjoying their music so much. Like this:

And while we’re at this, can we discuss Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran’s music video for Everything Has Changed? TOO MUCH CUTENESS, I can’t even.

—

John Green. I am recently getting frustrated about not being read as much as I wanted to, but it only takes a little John Green to remind me why I do what I do.

Link to properly access photo, click here.

That’s it… I think.

Have a happy Independence Day, Philippines!

.xx,

Kessica

Soooo… on travel, writing, and living (a.k.a. a recap of why I missed some months on blogging)

Hello, hello! Welcome back! (?)

So I haven’t been blogging / posting much here because I’m busy doing three things, namely:

1. Work, of course, which I recently found out need not take precedence over everything in life;
2. Writing my contemporary romance novella, now with the title The Real Score for my #RomanceClass (more on this later); and
3. Living. Actually living. 

In my past few months of absence on this blog, I went to exactly three places I have never been to before: Negros Occidental, Davao, and Bataan (at least the tourist spots that we went to). Traveling is fun – minus the grueling part where you wait for delayed flights and long trips on buses and/or cars. (On some days, though, I like the long trips because it helps me think.)

I went to Negros Occidental, particularly in Silay, Bulata, and Danjugan Island, because of a trip I won from work (see, hard work really does pay off). In Silay we did a tour of the ancestral homes there, and I learned a lot particularly at the Hofilena’s house because of Sir Ramon. Go there, and he’d make the trip worth it.

After the trip in Silay, we endured this three- to four-hour car ride to Punta Bulata, which is virtually paradise, especially if you want to disconnect from everything. I say this because there is little to almost no signal in this area, which could work to your advantage as well. This scene welcomed us, which made me love the place:

It has calm clear waters and white (or should I say coral-ly) sand. And to top it off: the place is a bit private. There were some families who do day trips to the resort, but during the nights, it was mostly us and a handful of other guests which is less than 30. It’s a happy place if you enjoy the peace and quiet. And sunsets like this:

Honestly, I only thought sunsets like that existed in the wallpapers that came with laptops or in Boracay. I was glad to be wrong about this, because Punta Bulata has one of the most gorgeous sunsets I’ve ever seen.

The highlight of the trip was Danjugan Island, a marine reserve about ten to fifteen minutes away from Punta Bulata. Trips to this island need to be pre-arranged as only forty people are allowed on the island at a time. Since it is also a reserve, you are not allowed to take anything from the island (so no, if you’re like me who likes shells for keepsakes, hands off), and you also have to conserve the amount of freshwater that you use (one pail of freshwater per person). The waters too are gorgeous at this place, and Mang Ruben, our guide, is entertaining, fun, and informative. We also got to see the tabon bird, an eagle, and a couple of orioles. We heard bats, saw big crawling crabs right behind the cabana where we stayed overnight, and met a lot of mosquitoes (so bring your repellants aside from your sunblock).

A (very) early morning at Danjugan

Beautiful, right?

#RomanceClass

Earlier this year, I joined a contemporary romance writing class mentored by a popular local author Mina V. Esguerra (check out her works like Fairy Tale Fail and Interim Goddess of Love, among others). On Twitter, it’s addressed as #romanceclass, thus the title of this entry. (And it also makes my friends double-take whenever I say I’m taking a ‘romance class.’ Yes, they made that leap.)

While the platform for the class is primarily online via a Facebook group, there were monthly meetups for those who are in Manila for discussions. There were about a hundred of us in the class, something that really amused me. A group of writers (or those who want to be, at least). I personally only know about three or four people who like to write as a pasttime, so this is a revelation to me.

Anyway, the goal: come up with a contemporary romance novella in about six months. If you’re into definition of terms, that is a work of about 30,000 words (not exceeding 50,000), set in the present time. Characters should be real people—no vampires or werewolves involved—with the primary plot being love.

A couple of days ago, I submitted my complete manuscript to my beta reader (so that’s what they’re called!) and to Ms. Mina. A bit ahead in submission (looking to be a rather busy May, and there’s this thing called… ‘flow’ or Muse or plain inspiration).

Let’s recap this writing experience, shall we?

Lend a helping hand

So just recently (Feb. 17 recently), the boys of One Direction came out with a single, a remake of Blondie’s One Way or Another for Comic Relief. Comic Relief, according to its website, is a charity based in the UK that wants to create a positive change with the use of entertainment. According to some posts, this single is set to be one of the biggest for Comic Relief, as it is currently #1 in 63 (YES, THAT IS SIXTY-THREE) countries worldwide.

The boys’ goal to incite change is to encourage people to donate £5 for a vaccine that can save a child from dying in Africa. Check out this video:

You can check out how to donate to Comic Relief here (the amount are in pounds, so… a bit of caution before clicking), or you can buy One Direction’s single, One Way or Another, via iTunes, where the proceeds would go to charity.

The boys also came out with a music video for the single, where you can see them touring and in the shower, but honestly all I could think of at the end of it is… cupcakes.

[They also performed this at the Brit Awards 2013, but links on YouTube have been pulled down due to copyright, so I’ll try to find a working link so I could share. [UPDATE:] and below is a working link c/o Comic Relief’s Red Nose Day YouTube channel, YAAAAY! Sidenote: congrats boys for winning Global Success!]

Now, I’ll take this opportunity as well to share with you my charity of choice: World Vision. I worked here during my internship days back in college, for their Social Mobilization Against Tuberculosis department, and I saw firsthand how much they change people’s lives. All you have to do is sponsor a child at P600 per month, and the organization pools the funds they collect from sponsors all around for the development of the community where the child lives. More sustainable, don’t you think?

I started to sponsor last year for my birthday, getting two kids. It’s tough to sustain (money budgeting gods, please shine your light upon me), but if you can help, lend a hand. We’ve all got blessings to share, and while we can, we should.

To learn more about how to sponsor a child, visit this link. To sponsor a child, click here.

Share the love.

.xx, Kessica

I miss you.

Ever heard a song, saw a movie, smelled a familiar scent, or saw a sign and then somebody immediately just popped into your head, and  you are overcome by this sense of longing for that person? And then you grab your phone, and you text, tweet or message that person and tell them: I MISS YOU. This is usually followed by “see you real soon” or “let’s meet up!”

Or if it’s in the case of you can’t tell that someone that you miss them because (a) you parted in bad terms or (b) you just grew apart and you haven’t contacted that person in such a long time that it’s going to be real awkward when you tell them you miss them without any follow through, you just sit there, wade through your (dark) pool of memories and then pray that somehow you get over that longing, that feeling of terribly missing someone (and admit that possibly, these feelings aren’t reciprocated).

Maybe it isn’t just the words “I’m sorry” or “I love you” that we take for granted when we say them. Maybe those aren’t just the phrases that we don’t mean as much even if we hoped we do. Maybe those aren’t just the words that we say to fill up awkward silences or lapsed time that we regret we didn’t capitalize on. Maybe they aren’t just the phrases that we can classify as part of our biggest lies.

Maybe “I’M SORRY” and “I LOVE YOU” aren’t just the words that require action after you say them.

Maybe I MISS YOU is also in that league, and we just can’t admit it to ourselves.

Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it: Year-Ender Part 2

Like I said in the part 1 of my year-ender, 2012 was a rollercoaster ride for me. My favorite moments and lessons / realizations learned and had are what made it a crazy ride.

I’ll do this list in the best way I know how: in song lyrics, titles, or book quotes. Ready? Let’s dig into my 2012 “recap” of sorts, in which—if you personally know me—you try to figure out which 2012 events do I pertain to:

1. More than This (One Direction) >> If I ever get a tattoo (which I really plan to do in 2013, let’s see if I have the guts to push through with it), one of my options would be these three words. I think if anything, 2012 taught me to be more than THIS, with ‘this’ being a number of things, to wit: insecurities, problems, issues. Plow through the problems and challenges. Face them head on. Do things that you don’t like because you’re probably still going to end up doing it in the future anyway (haha). Be more than your fears because you’ll never know when there could be an adventure. Be more than your insecurities because you have to start loving yourself more. Be more than your pride, because sometimes you also have to be humble and learn from your mistakes. Be more than your paranoia because worrying just kills the fun of things. Be more than all things negative, take them and twist it to make it positive. Be more than THIS.
2. Live While We’re Young + Don’t overthink, just let it go (One Direction) >> I think in 2012 I did this less: live. But I made do with how I lived: bought and read a lot of books, watched tons of movies (I wish there are loyalty cards to cinemas too), watched concerts (David Cook and Maroon 5—jeez, they’re all I could remember), thoroughly got mesmerized by The Phantom of the Opera, and became a kid again by enjoying Disney on Ice: Princesses and Heroes. I fangirled like hell, with standout portions in my year when I did it on the Philippine Volcanoes. I met new friends. In 2013, I promise to live more (I didn’t just quote a brand’s tagline, did I?). Travel more (Ilocos and Batanes, I’m going to see you soon). Meet new people. LIVE.
3. “You spend your whole life stuck in a labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” –John Green, Looking for Alaska >> I will leave this realization be, because I think the quote pretty much explains it.
4. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” –Stephen Chbosky, Perks of Being a Wallflower >> All-encompassing, really. It applies to my “love life,” to whatever I was referring to in #3 and to dealing with “difficult” people. If you can get out of a bad “relationship,” then do so. If you can’t, then suck it in. Stop gloating. We all have options—we just need to see them, and we just need to take that leap of faith. In terms of the difficult people part—well, same thing: if you can’t get out of it, suck it in. Be more than them and use them to sharpen your personality instead.
5. “She has been hanging on to the hope of him for so long that she doesn’t realize there isn’t anything left to hope for.” –David Levithan, Every Day >> Well, I finally woke up. I was done hoping and pining for you, because—stemming from #4—whatever love you are offering is not what I deserve. I deserve better than you.
6. “The world is not a wish-granting factory.” –John Green, The Fault in Our Stars >> I wanted to be published, and I am still not doing enough to get there. The world doesn’t grant wishes; we have to work hard for what we want.
7.  [I can’t find a quote, a lyric, or a song title for this one, so I’m just going to flat out say it here.] UNEXPECTED THINGS. >> These are the best in the world. If 2012 was a rollercoaster ride, I’d say that December 2012 was the relief and satisfaction at the end of the ride—it packed some pretty nice things in this last month. I guess it’s true what they say: it does come when you least expect it (and I am not actually referring to love for this one).
8. “Dear whoever you might be | I’m still waiting patiently.” –The Civil Wars, To Whom It May Concern >> Yup, I’m waiting. Hoping with all my heart that 2013 is finally the year that I’ll love and be loved in return. :)

So there. Thanks to everyone whom I have spent and shared 2012 with and to friends all and new. I am giddily excited for 2013. I know it’s going to be another tough year, but I can be more than you, 2013.

BRING IT. 

We’re gonna party like… well, it was 2012: Year-Ender Part 1

I skipped this out last year because it was a bit of hell. And it was just a strange year for me that I couldn’t think of how to sum up 2011. But this year, I’d say if I were to describe it in a word, it’ll be this: ROLLERCOASTER.

You know how when you get on a rollercoaster, it starts off real slowly as you climb all the way to the top, and then it drops you, and you scream and you raise your hands up to the sky to release all your emotions. Your heart is racing in your chest, and just before you catch your breath, you’re taken into another loop, another drop, another twist and turn, tugged in all directions—some of which you see and some of which you don’t. And then the ride slows and stops. At the end of it, you feel that satisfaction and relief—satisfaction that you survived such a tough ride and the relief that it was over. Those two emotions are almost immediately followed by excitement: when can I do it again?

That’s how 2012 was for me.

Since at the end of the year, there are tons of lists that come out (e.g., Best of, Worst of, etc…) and I love them, I’m making this year-ender entry of some sorts by lists. Please note that this will split my year-ender into two parts, because I’d like to save my favorite moments and my top lessons learned in 2012 in another entry.

FAVORITE ALBUMS: Order would be probably how they appeared in my iTunes or how I remember them. I will mark some of the albums as “2011” if they’re released last year, but I’ve gotten a hold of the album only this year or I’ve just learned to love it just this year.

1. 21 by Adele (2011)
2. Barton Hollow by The Civil Wars
3. Overexposed by Maroon 5
4. Unorthodox Jukebox by Bruno Mars
5. The Lumineers by The Lumineers
6. + by Ed Sheeran (2011)
7. Red by Dia Frampton (2011)
8. Pitch Perfect (Movie Soundtrack) by various artists (I really do suggest that you watch the movie too!)
9. Scars & Stories by The Fray
10. Some Nights by fun.
11. Take Me Home by One Direction
12. Up All Night by One Direction (2011)
13. The Truth About Love by Pink
14. Once Upon Another Time (EP) by Sara Bareilles
15. Red by Taylor Swift

I wouldn’t go into favorite songs because I think I pretty much gushed about them here or on Twitter, or used them in my stories (check playlists in the Little Things fanfic). But I would add some notable artists that you may want to touch up on: MidWest Kings, To Have Heroes, Lykke Li, and Florence + the Machine. And oh, yup… check out Augustana too.

FAVORITE BOOKS: Tough. Asking a booklover to pick her favorite book is like asking a parent to pick his/her favorite child. Almost unfair but necessary. Below are my favorite reads this year:

1. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (Now, who doesn’t have this in their list, please tell me. I can lend you my book.)
2. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (TWISTED. LOVED IT.)
3. Every Day by David Levithan
4. The Lover’s Dictionary by David Levithan (2011) [LOVE this book. Easy to re-read too, and it’s got some sort of continuity because of the Twitter account.]
5. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (1999) [Please do watch the movie too. Absolutely frigging loved Logan Lerman there.]
6. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (2011)
7. Divergent and Insurgent by Veronica Roth (2011, 2012) [This landed a movie deal. SO EXCITED!]
8. Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler (2011)

Notables: The Serpent’s Shadow, the last book in The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan, and The Rise of Nine by Pittacus Lore. For the rest of the books that I’ve finished this year, click here.

FAVORITE MOVIES: Gah, they’re too many! I think I may just be listing movies that have stuck in my head or I have watched fairly recently. To my movie buddies, please remind me if I forget a movie that we liked and I didn’t list here.

1. The Rise of the Guardians
2. The Avengers
3. The Amazing Spiderman
4. The Perks of Being a Wallflower
5. Hunger Games
6. Ruby Sparks
7. Pitch Perfect

And for the record: I really, really think that Anna Kendrick is an underrated actress.

As for TV series, I think Once Upon a Time needs to work a bit harder (I’m still watching it because of Rumple and Captain Hook, but otherwise, it’s a bit tempting to drop it). Arrow’s a good watch, while The Vampire Diaries may bore you a bit in the first few eps, but it picks up the pace. Criminal Minds and Bones are still so fun to watch. Grey’s Anatomy is CRAZY! And Hawaii Five-0 is getting kind of good too. And yes, I need to get back to watching Glee.

Now, that’s with the first part of this year-ender. Tomorrow’s list will be made up of my favorite moments in 2012, and the top lessons / realizations I’ve had this year.

What were your favorite albums, songs, books, and movies in 2012? :)

Bare

Why do you write? 

I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked this question. Default answer was always because it’s therapeutic. It’s a way to release emotions or thoughts that nag your head, all the time, begging to be put out in the open.

Another answer is that I write because I have so many ideas in my head–those alternative scenarios to actual events you’ve seen happen, or a reaction to something you’ve seen or read, or just that eureka moment when you thought you can own the world with something in your head. That one idea. 

So I write. And I put it out here for the time being, while I still try and try to finish my eureka idea and turn it into something worth publishing.

But you know what’s weird? Is that I write, and I post it, and I link up this blog to my Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter, but still I get shocked when people would tell me they read my stuff. Actual people that I know. People I work/ed with or people I went to college or high school with. RELATIVES (this is the one that makes me panic the most). And when they tell me that, after that split-second bliss that hey, people still read nowadays, and I am one of the stuff that they read, is that feeling of privacy being invaded.

I know, I know–hey, I put them online, so whatever stuff I write is for the public to consume. But it just feels like they can see me, like see me kind of see me. That they already know a piece of my soul, that they have peeked into my deepest darkest secrets because they read the things I write. Like letter by letter, word by word, a tidbit about me is revealed to them. Like I’m there, laid bare in front of them, as they read each word, paragraph, and story. And I panic because I’m scared that they might not actually like what they see. And when they tell me that they read my stories, I want to hide. Or delete everything on my blog and then start a new one under a pseudonym.

HA. Weird, I know. Hashtag: me being me.